AH, finally a much better title... phew

Lucas better not fuck this up for us.

Give me more Mark Hamill!
MORE LUKE!
MORE LUKE!
MORE LUKE!
As for Ep. 3:Revenge of the Nerds,
The force is strong with this one.
Yes I agree with Mandy,
Pretty Pretty Please.......Do us good George.

A LONG TIME AGO
IN A GALAXY FAR FAR AWAY
There was a little boy
that grew up without a daddy
and had immoral, lustful,
filthy thoughts over his sister's
sweet sweet ass.
Now confronted with his past
this whiney bastard now clings
for dear life below Cloud City.....


Vader: Who's Your Daddy, Bitch.
Luke: You Are.
Vader: Who's your daddy, be-otch?
Luke: You Are!!!
Vader: You like it hard don't you?
Luke: Give it to me, Yoda style.
Vader: Don't give me your Kama Sultra shit.
Your lucky your getting it doggie
style by the greatest Lord of the
Sith has ever known. Now who's your
Daddy.
Ben' Ghost: Focus Luke, use the Fart.
Luke: Ben?
Vader: What you say you bastard!
Luke: Ben is that you?
Vader: So your into role playing you little
bitch. I killed Ben now I will kill
you. But there is one thing you must
know.
Ben's Ghost: Luke use the Fart!!!

BBBBRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!

Vader: You fuck, you shit on my dick.
Luke: That's for Ben, you asshole.

Sabers sizzle to life as Luke wipes his bum. Vader slices off Lukes butt wiping hand.

Vader: Luke I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Vader: And Leia is your sister!!!!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Vader: And Yoda is your retarded brother!!!!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vader: And Obi Wan was me lover!!!!!!!!
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Luke plunges to his death only to caught by the Falcon. Leia pulls him inside and greets his with a kiss.

Leia: Luke I want you to know...
Luke: YES?
Leia: I I I ummm...
Luke: Yes, yes?
Leia: I'm pregnant with your baby.
Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NEXT ON JERRY SPRINGER..............

A Long Time Ago
In A Galaxy Far Far Far,
I Mean Realy REALY Far Far Away.
Two of the Greatest Jedi
that ever crossed Sabers
sat in their quiet chamber
discussing the universe's greatest
problems..........

Obi: You know sometimes I absolutely need a strong man to massage my feet.

Anakin: I hear the Folopians have 30 fingers.

Obi: UMMMMM yeah 30 fingers.

Anakin: You know Yoda has been pissing me off lately. He's a total fag nag. Always with the "Use the Force" bullshit. You know, move the rock here, no, move the rock there. God I'm sick of fucking rocks.

Obi: He means well.

Anakin: I guess you're right as usual Obi. Say when are you going to teach me how to knit that sweater with the little EWOK on it.

Obi: Fuck, can't you ever quit whining. Fine get me my needles out the sewing cabinet. While you're up grab me a cold one.

Anakin: You're the greatest, Obi. Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me.

Obi: Just get my beer bitch! No wonder your Mother never could keep a man let alone get one to fill her cold clam with hot sauce, if she was half of fucking whiny as you.

Anakin: What are you saying.

Obi: I'm saying you're a bastard

Anakin: What?

Obi: You don't have a daddy dumbass. Do I need to explain everything, maby draw a picture. Cripes, could it be possible your mom was artificially inseminated with Taun Taun spunk. God your useless. Now where is MY BEEEER!!!!!!!!

Anakin: How could you say that. I thought I was your favorite. You.. you..

Obi: I knew Qui-Gon screwed me when I promised to baby sit you. Go suck your thumb somewhere else. You'll never become a Jedi you slobblering shithead! Tonight, I'm going to show you my Dark Saber.

Anakin: Fuck you and your Darth Saber.

Obi: Quit lisping, you sound like that drag queen, Vader. Wait....Darth Vader. That's your new nick name bitch. Now git my beer Vader.

Anakin: I'm leaving asswipe, get your own beer. I'm sure Count Doku will show me how to knit my own Ewok sweater. Someday Ben, you'll see. I'll knit circles around you.

Obi: See ya. Don't forget about you asthma machine, QUEEZY.

Anakin: Oh sure, take the easy way out. Make fun of my breathing problem.

Obi: Cooooo, Caaaaahhhh. Coooooo, Caaaaaahhh. Listen to me I'm the fierce warrior Darth Vader. I will kill you after I suck on my puffer. (Cough. Cough)

Anakin: Asshole. You'll see, someday I'll rule the universe.

Obi: You've been watching too many Pinky and the Brain episodes.

Anakin madly exits the house.

Obi: Finally I can watch Tatooine Squares in peace. (Pops open a beer)

Sometime Somewhere
In Another Shithole
In Some Fucking Ghetto
In Some Galaxy Someplace....

Chewie: Grrrrrrrr

Han: I know that last piece of cargo paid shit. We should leave this space pirate business for some other suckers.

Chewie: Grrrrrrrrr

Han: Of course you'd still be my main hair-ball! Besides you'd make a great bathrobe with matching slippers you hairy ape.

Chewie: Grrrrrrrrrr

Han: I'm just kiddin' ya you dumb mop. Oh shit, keep it zipped. I just spotted that greaseball Lando.

Lando pulls up a chair.

Lando: Wazzup, my brothers?

Han: Just wondering how long it takes for those big lips of yours to kiss Jabba's ass. That's alot of fucking ass.

Lando: Fuck you an' that excuse for a tupee you call a partner. Tell me Han howz it feel to hawk up a hairball after sucking that fur-bag's shank.

Chewie: Grrrrrr Grrrrrr

Han: Don't bother Chewie. He's not worth it.

Lando: Fuck, you guys certainly make a pair. Could I find a bigger pair of losers anywhere across this galaxy. Flying around in that shitbox you call a star cruiser. You guys'll never be able to pay Jabba you losers.

Han: OK fat mouth, I'll make a wager.

Chewie: Grrrrrrr?

Lando: Bring it on. Wat you got?

Han: Chewie's hung like a Bantha, I bet my Millenium Falcon that he's bigger in the cock department.

Lando: Bring it!

Both wip out their man clubs. Chewie has to part his penis hair.

Han: Fuck!

Lando: No way man!

Han: Christ Chewie you're hung like a goddam Ewok.

Chewie: Grr?

Lando: Pink slip please........Losers!

Han: Fuckkkkkk!

A Long Time Ago
In A Galaxy Far Far Away....

There was a time of peace.
Then Amadala wedded the Jedi Knight Anakin.
This not only led to a night of unbridled passion,
Anakin shot a blast of molten hot force milk
In his Princesses blistering saber holster to produce
Two of the most famous Skywalkers ever....


Amadala: Luke would you please see what your sister is crying about.

Luke: OK.

Amadala: Sometimes it would be nice if you little shits would at least pick up your damn toys. I'm tired of fucking toys jammimg its way into my ass everytime I decide to sit down.

Luke: Mommy, Leia says she's hungry again.

Amadala: Can't you kids give my nipples a break.

Luke: Mommy, Leia says she messed her panties again.

Amadala: She's 11 for Christ's sake. Luke find the phonebook for me please.

Luke: OK.

Amadala: Now where's your Uncle Owen's number. Thank God,

Luke: I don't want to go over there Mommy, he makes me shower with him an' Aunt Beru. Den he gets drunk an' tells me my fawder is a no good space cadet dat never gave a damn 'bout me or my sistah.

Amadala: Your Dad IS a no good bum. He left us for that traitorous Palpatine. He once loved me. He once shanked me three times in an afternoon. Then I got pregnant.
Then I got fat. Then I had you fucking brats. That's when he left me. I was fat and you an' your slut sister are to blame for it. Jedi's don't believe in birth control. Jedi's use the Force. Yeah well thank you Force.

Ring.... Ring....

Owen: Thello

Amadala: Hi Owen?

Owen: Who ith you. Who the hell ith thith.

Amadala: It's your sister in law. Owen are you already drunk. It's 10 in the morning for Christ's sake.

Owen: Bitchth.

Amadala: I'm dropping the kids off.

Owen: Whath ever.

Click.

Amadala: Come on we're going.

Luke: I don't wanna milk bulls again.

Leia: I don't wanna ride Uncle Owen's pony.

Amadala: Too bad, it's pony express for you two so let's get moving.

Star Wars
Volume 12
Episode 99
Chapter 13
Act 4
Somewhere in a galaxy FAR FAR AWAY
George Lucas once again squeezes
the last remaining ounce of dignity
from a once respectable sci-fi epic.

George: So it goes like this.
The Sith Lord Vandersmear lights a Dandorian Bong and says,
"Like Dude this tastes like Wookie ass."
Then Hand Jobo long distant nephew of Blow Jobo from the once
thought extinct race of Phukbungholians reaches through the force
gripping the Dark Lord's balls like a Gungan death grip.

Rick: Christ George. Don't you think you maby take the alien thing
a little too far. I mean I bit on the Toytarians, the Walrus guy and
the furry little midget people let alone all their Goddamn names, for what
10 seconds of film. Now this Phukbungholymans.

George: Phukbungholians.

Rick: Who cares. George, nobody needs to know this shit. Lets cut to the chase.
This is about the toys isn't it. This is about pushing wave after wave of the same rehashed characters. I know let's produce an action figure of Luke scratching his ass,
and then oh I don't know, maby Luke jerking off.

George: Humm.... Luke jerking off....not bad.

Rick: Lets get back to the essence of what made Star Wars great.
Strong characters that the audience related too. And drop the Dr. Suess dialog.

George: Luke jerking off....where's Hasbro's number.

Rick: Are you hearing me.

George: Hello Hasbro.......

Soon yes very soon
the force is to come upon on us.
Thank you George for inspiring
a world of fantasy to those of all ages.
You are the true Jedi Master.
From a life long fan.

monk

New Star War product from Hasbro:

LIGHTSABER CONDOMS

AND LIGHTSABER DILDOS

The Sithlings
Part I

A darkened hull drifts freely in the cold abyss.
From a defensive position a Republic cruiser scans the floating vessel.
Something is puzzling about this Confederate deep-space freighter.
One thing completely odd was that the outer skin
was dotted with heavy laser placements.
What were the plans for this shipper, more importantly,
what was on it.

Captain Hutch: This ship has a destination, so lets work fast people.
It won't be long before some desk clerk notices a delayed shipment.
Master Jedi, do you sense anything, anything alive?

Master Uryll: There is a presence onboard. Something or someone is blocking
my force probe. I can sense fear or should I say a sense of confusion. Whoever
this being is, they are strong in the force.

Captain Hutch: You are saying that jedi are aboard that imperial ship.

Master Uryll: Some of the order have become disillusioned. They seek greater
power. I'm sorry, but you're assumption may be right.

Captain Hutch: Pilot target the main engine reactors. Prepare to fire. I will
not chance my crew to save some worthless traitors.

Sr. Pilot: Sir, the ship is movin towards us. Oh my God, full power to the fore
deflector shields.

Blam!
The Republic Cruiser rocked with the blast.

Captain Hutch: Send a emergeny beacon to Admiral Bannon, we need support ASAP.
Send it now! Pilot get us away from those cannons. Gunner, return fire!
By the power of the Force, how is this possible? We disabled that hulk with
a full magnetic electron pulse blast. That would of fried any computer system.
That thing should be dead. Gunner, bring that Confederate garbage down.

Sr. Pilot: Captain, it's over. The ship has stopped.

Captain Hutch: Find out why, pilot.

Master Uryll: I have never felt such power.

Captain Hutch: What's wrong Master Jedi.

Master Uryll: Someone was powering that ship with the force. They are now weak,
that is why the ship has ceased movements.

Captain Hutch: One person possesses that kind of power. I'm not taking chances.
Gunner, make that tin can dissappear.

Thirty heavy gun placements blasted at the mid-size cargo hauler.

Pilot: Sir...

Captain Hutch: I see Pilot, our lasers are being deflected. Master Jedi you said that
their power was drained.

Master Uryll: There is more than one. My control of the force was temporarily drained
from probing the one powering the ship. I now know there are several aboard that possess
knowlege of the force. We need to board that ship. Fire the magnetic electron pulse again,
while my apprentice and I battle meditate. We will try to still the minds of those
controlling their defenses. Once that is completed we should be able to board their ship.
We have to be fast before they regain their strength. Do you agree to this Captain.

NavCom Comtrol: We have recieved a subspace message from Admiral Bannon.

Captain Hutch: Play now.

The hologram sizzled to life, portraying a diminished likeness of the respected Admiral.

Admiral: Captain, our forces are thinned as they are. We can only afford 25 fighters and 1
Main Battle Destroyer. I hope this is enough. They are headed towards your location as I speak.The clone wars is now apon us at full scale. Master Yoda sends his regards to Master Uryll. As of now all Jedi Masters hold rank of General as they have the most insight regarding a new danger. They speak of a Sith Lord, one that is consumed by the dark side. They think he may be the key to this whole mess. Complete your mission safely. I want to
see you all again. May the force be with you.

Captain Hutch: Do you think this Lord may be on that vessel, General.

General Uryll: No, this one is still learning. He is powerful, but he lacks discipline.
However they may know of the Sith Lord's location.

Captain Hutch: Then I agree to try your plan. Gunner prepare the pulse array.

General Uryll: Come Padawan Kora we have much to do.

To Be Continued.......

The Sithlings Part II

Commander Darkstar guided his patrol through
the darkened corridors of this Confederate relic.
Nothing hummed, nothing blinked.
The only source of light came from their shoulder mounted
crytal torches that played with the shadows.

Something plagued Commander Darkstar with
utter dread, yet he had to diffuse it,
he couldn't show vunerablity to his troops.
He was a seasoned killer completely competent
in the art of illusion.

Their lights flickered on a figure for only a second.
He swallowed hard. Damn they need more lights in
here.
"What the hell was that?" he wondered.

"Did you see that Commander?" asked Garrett.

"Keep it quiet." Darkstar snapped. He wasn't sure
if it was real or just another play of light. He was turning
around front again when he felt it, the cold breath on his face.
Yes something was here, and it stood infront of him.

-----------------

Captain Hutch stood infront of his console.
It's been 2 hours and still no word back on
the condition of the mission. He promised Master Uryll
that he'd give him the time needed to find the threat.
Personally he didn't care much for playing games, he wanted
this rogue force weilder dead. He couldn't contain
his concern any longer. He decided in that moment, he was
going to break silence.

"Sir!"

Suddenly he was jerk from his thoughts.
"Yes."

"It's urgent Sir!"

The voice came the garbled static.
"Something.....complete chaos.....Darkstar is dead....
we're all dead......get us out of here......AAAahhhhhhh!"
In the background the sounds of laser bolts and screams
of dying men resounded on a cacophony of panic.

His eyes pierced through the hull, he was looking for his
men, wanting to deliver them from their anguish.
He fought beside his crew threw whatever hell spat out at
them countless times. He even knew most of their families.

"That Jedi better clear this mess up soon." He screamed inside.

-------------------

In a room deep in the belly of the Confederate cruiser, General
Uryll along with his Padawan Kora hung suspended by an unseen
energy. They struggled to remain concious.

"Who are you to dare defy the cleansing of the galaxies. We
are on a commission prophesied a millenia ago. We are the sithlings
born into this reality by the will of a Sith holocron. We seek
absolution. We seek dominance. Who are you to impede us in our
destiny."

Master Uryll slowly stained his gaze towards the unholy spectre.
"We are Jedi!"

To be Continued.........

The Sithlings Part II
re-edited

Commander Darkstar guided his patrol through
the darkened corridors of this Confederate relic.
Nothing hummed, nothing blinked.
The only source of light came from their shoulder mounted
crytal torches that played with the shadows.

Something plagued Commander Darkstar with
utter dread, yet he had to diffuse it,
he couldn't show vunerablity to his troops.
He was a seasoned killer completely competent
in the art of illusion.

Their lights flickered on a figure for only a second.
He swallowed hard. Damn they need more lights in
here.
"What the hell was that?" he wondered.

"Did you see that Commander?" asked Garrett.

"Keep it quiet." Darkstar snapped. He wasn't sure
if it was real or just another play of light. He was turning
around front again when he felt it, the cold breath on his face.
Yes something was here, and it stood infront of him.

-----------------

Captain Hutch stood infront of his console.
It's been 2 hours and still no word back on
the condition of the mission. He promised Master Uryll
that he'd give him the time needed to find the threat.
Personally he didn't care much for playing games, he wanted
this rogue force wielder dead. He couldn't contain
his concern any longer. He decided in that moment, he was
going to break silence.

"Sir!"

Suddenly he was jerk from his thoughts.
"Yes."

"It's urgent Sir!"

The voice came through the garbled static.
"Something.....complete chaos.....Darkstar is dead....
we're all dead......get us out of here......AAAahhhhhhh!"
In the background the sounds of laser bolts and screams
of dying men resounded on a cacophony of panic.

His eyes pierced through the hull, he was looking for his
men, wanting to deliver them from their anguish.
He fought beside his crew through whatever hell spat out at
them countless times. He even knew most of their families.

"That Jedi better clear this mess up soon." He screamed inside.

-------------------

In a room deep in the belly of the Confederate cruiser, General
Uryll along with his Padawan Kora hung suspended by an unseen
energy. They struggled to remain concious.

"Who are you to dare defy the cleansing of the galaxies. We
are on a commission prophesied a millenia ago. We are the sithlings
born into this reality by the will of a Sith holocron. We seek
absolution. We seek dominance. Who are you to impede us in our
destiny."

Master Uryll slowly strained his gaze towards the unholy spectre.
"We are Jedi!"

To be Continued.........

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it's very great
casting

This blog site has become a joke.
The quality of the postings are nothing more
than advertisements for tittering children.
Myself.
Would anyone agree that it has become
frustrating to skim through the endless porn and poker posts
in order to read the next opinion of a true blog.
Sorry Brad, but you have let this site degenerate
into a playground for the skags of society.
I suggest that anyone who agrees with me to boycott this
site until Brad uses his power to filter
all the pointless and boring advertinsing that now plagues
the pages within this site.

Someday I may return to finish my Star Wars trilogy
until then
Goodbye and Good-night!

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